Over the years, I have been terrified to speak up, terrified of what might happen if I did. I have watched soaps that have explored sexual abuse. I have seen plenty of police dramas. They all make it look like reporting is easy, that the whole process is easy. That it’s done and dusted in a matter of weeks. No one prepares you for the fact that in reality. It could take years. Had I of known this, would I have walked into that police station that night. Would I have finally spoken about the torment that has walked in and out of my life. To be honest, I can’t answer that. Because for me, at the time, on that night. I knew, I had to ask the question. I wanted to report it, but I was scared. So I tried to find out what would happen.
Over the years, I was terrified to speak out, terrified of the repercussions, that could come my way. What if the family turned against me. What if they did stuff, to make it difficult, for me to continue living here. Would my children suffer because of me. Not only that, do I want my children, to know about my traumatic past. Well, I did speak up in the end. He has been interviewed, he has denied it. I know his family know, and they are not happy with me. But they haven’t said anything to me. They made sure I knew they knew, but without acting, without saying. It’s ok though. I don’t regret that moment walking into the station.
6 months later, that’s 26 weeks or 182 days. Time does not stand still. Sometimes, I wish it would. I wish we could skip the middle and get straight to the end. Will we get to court or will the lack of evidence, end the whole thing. I know the police, are doing what they can. I know that they have 100 other cases, to sift through. Some more important than mine. I don’t want to make it sound like, I don’t think mine is important, of course it is. I just want to jump forward to the end, will we get to court or not. Was it worth reliving the nightmare, was it worth speaking out. Or was it all for nothing.
I hear people shouting it’s not for nothing. You are brave, strong. I hear it, I don’t feel it. I’m glad I have started this blog though, if nothing else comes out of it. If I only manage to help that one person. I know that I have achieved something amazing, from something so traumatic.